Hating family members

When people in your family (in-laws, namely half-sister-in-laws and those who think they can do no wrong) try to destroy you, what do you do?

Becoming an old ‘biddy’

I’m not old.  I’m barely middle aged, if most of us lived until 120 years old or so (thanks to Michael Caine for that definition).  I’m not a prude.

Why, then, do I react negatively to how young people, especially young women, debase themselves so aggressively?  Look at Katy Perry.  Nice enough young woman who writes clever songs, but should we assume she’s being ironic, or that she’s an exhibitionist?  “California Gurls” is a funny video on one level, but doesn’t it turn women into sex objects in the worst way?  Kim Kardashian and her sisters?  What are we supposed to think about them?  They make sex tapes, dress in suggestive, often quite unflattering, ways, yet they are ‘famous’ for what?  Being famous?  Being slutty looking?  What does slutty even mean in 2010?  I’m old enough to remember the Gabor sisters, and how they lived to be famous for being famous, so the Kardashians themselves do not annoy me.  Yet, even the Gabor sisters, no matter how often they married, or how stupid they acted (when in fact they were quite smart), did not seem to turn themselves into cartoon characters on par with Jessica Rabbit.

When you post a sex tape on Facebook, when you engage in ‘sexting’ photos of your private parts, when you ‘hook up’ with guys you just met, what does that mean for the world your own daughters will inhabit?  Do you really think you are ‘liberated’ by your conduct, or do you feel compelled to act that way because of the competition?  Can a plain girl, a girl who just likes to wear a t-shirt and jeans on Saturday, no makeup, can she really compete?  That’s another beef of mine…at age 20, we went out of our way to avoid makeup, to avoid dressing up, to avoid being ‘domestic’.  Girls today seem to refuse to even go to the market without plastering on foundation, false eyelashes and botoxed lips.

What happened?

I am a coward

I woke up the other day, and realized that I have been a coward for most of my life.  I do nothing that is brave, nothing that is controversial, nothing that is out of the ordinary.

Back in 2008, bigoted Californians enacted Proposition 8.  It prevents my son from marrying because he is a gay man.  Most of those who voted for Proposition 8 think nothing of getting divorced or remarrying and creating blended families, yet they will deny my son even one trip down the proverbial aisle.  This is, of course, personal to me and my family, but many others are of course in the same boat.

So, when I learned that my sister in law, married in 2007, divorced in 2010, with a baby born in between (though she had filed for divorce before the baby was even born), has found another ‘love’, and plans on getting married, likely in early 2011, I got mad, and I don’t mean angry.  I went crazy.  My mind started to whirl around….she gets two marriages, yet people in the very same family who endorse this kind of revolving door of romance voted to assure that my son, their nephew and grandson, would never be able to ‘marry’.  Shouldn’t we all have the equal right to make fools of ourselves, marrying men far older than we are,  having a child, divorcing and then rushing right into another marriage?  What kind of nation is this–where only the idiotic and shallow heterosexuals have these rights?  Why shouldn’t everyone be able to invite the same group of fools who shelled out money for gifts for two people in 2007 who what many at the wedding said out loud was a union that would never last?

You get the idea that I am pissed off about the expectation that a young woman would have to have two church weddings (since her first wedding was to a divorced man, not in the Catholic Church, it doesn’t count in the Catholic Church’s eyes, so she gets to prance down the aisle again) and get more gifts from the same people?  You see that it is annoying that she’d think about having yet more bridal showers (after multiple baby showers) for more stuff from the same fools who came to the parties the first time around?  Yes, pissed I am.  But, mostly, I am pissed at myself for being such a coward.

This blog is cowardly. I’m venting here, when I should say, directly to those in this family who voted for Proposition 8, that they are bigots and ignorant clowns for denying their family member equal rights.  All the years that I have been married into this family, have I ever, ever complained when someone said something hurtful about a racial or ethnic group?  Have I ever said ‘hey, homophobe, don’t make fun of male ballet dancers by using such hateful language’?  How many times did someone make fun of someone or something, and I, to ‘keep the peace’, said nothing?  More than I care to recall.

They are hateful, fearful people who use insults to bolster their own self-esteem.  I am a coward for not calling them out.  At least not until now.  That will be one of the points of this blog….to call them, and me, out.

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